A Crazy Little Thing Called ADHD

Is it really ADHD?

I have heard many people say "ADHD is a superpower" as if it is something to be proud of.

I have also heard people say "ADHD doesn't exist" as if it is all completely made up, an excuse for poor self control.

I don't know about anyone else's experience, but I do know mine.

Just one thought is a literal impossibility. My brain is like a massive bowl of spaghetti (or worms if you'd rather not have a food analogy). Everything is connected and nothing moves without disturbing everything else. One thought inevitably leads to another and then another at warp speed until, 10 seconds after starting a story, I have covered four topics, told at least one side story, and forgotten where I was going with the original thought. It happens all. the. time...

I always thought it was normal. . .

I have always jokingly told people "I have the memory of a goldfish" so they would not be surprised when I forgot something immediately after being told. My favorite movie was 50 First Dates because I could relate to the girl who forgets everything overnight. I'm not proud of it. In fact, it's one of the things I have always hated about myself. It's super frustrating to not be able to remember something after only minutes or even hours. For so long, I thought there was just something wrong with me, I was broken, less intelligent or worthy of belonging. I still wish my working memory would cooperate and maybe be half decent, but now when the voices in my mind go dark, I can remind them that I am not broken or stupid. My brain just works differently and that's ok. It doesn't fix anything. My life is still much harder than it would be with a neurotypical brain. It does help, though, to know I am not the only one. There are others like me, and we are not broken or less than or unworthy. We are just different... and that's ok.

No, I am not hearing impaired. My ears work just fine. It is the connection between my ears and brain that doesn't work well. It is like running a Windows 98 computer in 2024. SLOW. Sometimes, the words will process as I'm asking "what?" and then I can immediately answer. Other times, I have to ask several times before the words make sense in my brain. I am sure my husband gets tired of the repetition, and he is a saint in my eyes for the level of patience he has. I think when we have the right people in our lives, it can make all the difference. When those around us have patience and understanding, it makes all difficulties that much easier to handle. To all those who love someone with ADHD, I see you and I thank you for the immense patience. It makes a world of difference. You are so important.

Normal is overrated. It's all relative. It looks different for everyone, and that is a wonderful thing. I often think of and marvel at how different and diverse humanity is. People are so much more than they appear with the capacity to feel the most overwhelming range of emotions and to learn and grow every day. It is truly amazing. The other day, my children asked if our family was "normal". It led to a really interesting discussion on how normal is different for different people and that is ok. In some ways, we are very normal, with two parents, a few kids, and some pets. In other ways, we are far from normal with snuggly turkeys, a "homestead" (I use that label rather loosely) full of secondhand animals, and two loving parents raising the handful of children alongside our village of friends and chosen family. I'm sure they do not understand now what all of it means, but as they get older I hope they will remember these conversations and also be able to see and admire how amazingly different all people are.

If you have experienced ADHD, either in your own brain or the brain of someone you love, share your thoughts or encouragement in the comments! I would love to hear them.

Until next time,

Thea Allis